I had a birthday earlier this week! I’ve never minded aging itself, but historically, I’ve always felt sad on my birthday and could never quite put a finger on why. After a lot of self reflection, I’ve come to realize that I’ve played small for so long in my life and in regard to my birthday, I never wanted to seem like an attention-seeking Leo. And for a while, I was subconsciously so afraid of that that I fell on the other side of the spectrum and bemoaned any sort of celebration or even acknowledgement. But then of course, I would feel disappointed afterwards. It was not a good loop to be in!
This year, I am leaning into who I truly am and it turns out, I actually wouldn’t mind a little hoopla! I suppose I was hiding from this fact because I was afraid of being seen as needy. Or seen at all. Have you ever had a similar experience? Like you pretend something for so long that it becomes who you are, but then you realize you’ve not only been lying to others, but most importantly, to yourself. It’s quite an awakening!
Personally, this has been a gradual discovery, an unpeeling of truth that has felt at once both messy and liberating. Now that I am closer to being on the other side of it, I feel grateful for recognizing this part of myself and send compassion to younger versions of me who was hiding. And the bonus is that I truly enjoyed my birthday this year because I expressed what I wanted and made it happen. Younger me could never….
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